Blog entry 07 29 09
I am weary of the daily routine. What has changed since my last posting? Job-hunting is tiresome. Wouldn’t it be great to spend an early morning getting ready for an interview, heading out all spiffed up to greet the world with my enthusiasm and experience? I have tried walking the pavement, but even the fast food chains don’t take walk-ins anymore. You have to apply online everywhere. The grocery and drug stores want you to answer 50 generic questions to prove your integrity. The opportunities for office work are nil. Without a medical certificate, I am ready to be a waitress. My days are spent in an endless routine of mundane housework and computerizing, with an office-appropriate wardrobe collecting fuzz in my closet.
I am bored. I have something to offer. But the longer I go without a job, the less I am confident about my abilities. I know I can be a great attribute to a company, whether I’m answering phones or piecing parts or managing inventory. Maybe I am too diversified. Right now, I’ll take what I can get. But I can’t even get McDonald’s.
In my down time, I do the laundry and wash the dishes. My creativity is squashed with failure to produce anything of interest.
The cats keep me normal. Aspen, with her silky coat and quiet nature is calming to me. Vail brings me socks and washrags, meowing in questioning approval. AJ just seems to be everywhere, ready to be picked up and loved on. Loki sleeps on the bed, ready in a moment to search out the latest noise.
My son keeps busy with school, his finals being this week. The lawn needs more than a mowing. My girls are on their own, and I wait patiently to hear from them about their latest doings. Again, I am bored. And I want to get paid for it. I have something to offer, but the longer I search for a job, the easier it is to let the moments pass without creating something worthwhile. Sad.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, October 27, 2008
Flowing
So I'm wandering around the house this afternoon, the groceries shopped for, the house as tidy as I'm up to making it...and I'm looking for something to do. Something to fill those isolated places of time where I can't sit still, where I can't stop thinking about everything, much less focus on one.
Piddly stuff. Petting a cat, leafing through a magazine. It's just not enough, not fulfilling. I went into the guest bedroom to play the keyboard. I lasted 5 minutes at most. Took a bath. Pet another cat, too early for bed and too late to feel like starting anything new.
So I took the first page of 'cultivate gratitude' and started gluing fringe and yarn on. I don't knit or crochet. Maybe to some of the ones of you who do, you can compare the comfortable rhythm of hook to yarn to my happily gluing pieces of one thing onto another thing. Paper, rock, scissors.
A lazy Monday evening, dinner in my belly and not ready for sleep. What am I doing with this blog? What do I want to do? I want to inspire others as I am blessed with inspiration. I want to show that one person who needs it most at this very moment the fun of counting, coloring, feeling and knowing the mystery of creativity as it binds one to finding their truest self.
Piddly stuff. Petting a cat, leafing through a magazine. It's just not enough, not fulfilling. I went into the guest bedroom to play the keyboard. I lasted 5 minutes at most. Took a bath. Pet another cat, too early for bed and too late to feel like starting anything new.
So I took the first page of 'cultivate gratitude' and started gluing fringe and yarn on. I don't knit or crochet. Maybe to some of the ones of you who do, you can compare the comfortable rhythm of hook to yarn to my happily gluing pieces of one thing onto another thing. Paper, rock, scissors.
A lazy Monday evening, dinner in my belly and not ready for sleep. What am I doing with this blog? What do I want to do? I want to inspire others as I am blessed with inspiration. I want to show that one person who needs it most at this very moment the fun of counting, coloring, feeling and knowing the mystery of creativity as it binds one to finding their truest self.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Rollin' along with my sticky back notes!
No truck today. No bother to me, though, as yesterday - when I did have the truck - became just a little to busy for me. I was in the car a lot, between errands, meetings and a doctor's appointment. My brain was really busy, too, planning projects .
Today was a day to unleash my creativity, skills, and tac an unusual amount of sticky notes randomly around the house as I tried to balance the household tasks with fun stuff. I'm easily distracted wandering through the house, as it seems every spot has stuff to put away, clean, repair or create something new for. You'd think with a large studio space I'd have all my ongoing projects in there, but the studio isn't organized as I like it, so I have collected items from here and there and have many projects going on. Here are some of the things I have written on sticky notes:
- Oil door hinges
- Get buttons for D's shirt
- Get batting and ulpostery tacs from studio for pincushion and wall art/message board
- Eat healthy
- Call cat rescue
- Wig Jar (I'm using a large pickle jar to hold my hairbands, painting an abstract face on the front - it's a self-discovery activity which I'll explain more when it's finished)
- Deep Breathing
- Sewing projects: balance with housework, jobhunting
- Ch. 3 Meditation every morning for one week straight (keep going!)
- Read Ragamuffin book
- Bring sewing maching, tape measure, velcro, notions to clubhouse.
What I find amusing is that as silly as it looks with simple reminders posted on the cupboards, the fridge, the door, the washing machine, this is a very helpful tool for me right now. It'd be easy to get discouraged looking at all the have-to's, but for me it's more of a way of organizing my time so I don't have to file all of it in my head (i.e. the task may not be done, but at least there's a note reminding me). Then, when I have five minutes here or 10 minutes there, I can make time for a specific task that might otherwise seem daunting.
Try to make some time today to unleash your creativity!
Today was a day to unleash my creativity, skills, and tac an unusual amount of sticky notes randomly around the house as I tried to balance the household tasks with fun stuff. I'm easily distracted wandering through the house, as it seems every spot has stuff to put away, clean, repair or create something new for. You'd think with a large studio space I'd have all my ongoing projects in there, but the studio isn't organized as I like it, so I have collected items from here and there and have many projects going on. Here are some of the things I have written on sticky notes:
- Oil door hinges
- Get buttons for D's shirt
- Get batting and ulpostery tacs from studio for pincushion and wall art/message board
- Eat healthy
- Call cat rescue
- Wig Jar (I'm using a large pickle jar to hold my hairbands, painting an abstract face on the front - it's a self-discovery activity which I'll explain more when it's finished)
- Deep Breathing
- Sewing projects: balance with housework, jobhunting
- Ch. 3 Meditation every morning for one week straight (keep going!)
- Read Ragamuffin book
- Bring sewing maching, tape measure, velcro, notions to clubhouse.
What I find amusing is that as silly as it looks with simple reminders posted on the cupboards, the fridge, the door, the washing machine, this is a very helpful tool for me right now. It'd be easy to get discouraged looking at all the have-to's, but for me it's more of a way of organizing my time so I don't have to file all of it in my head (i.e. the task may not be done, but at least there's a note reminding me). Then, when I have five minutes here or 10 minutes there, I can make time for a specific task that might otherwise seem daunting.
Try to make some time today to unleash your creativity!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Dancing in the Woods
(Just rambling about my afternoon, because I over did it and re-twisted my ankle that I injured dancing at Inlet Harbor in Daytona a couple weeks ago - I need to baby it again)...
I spent a good part of the afternoon working outside today. A delicious 60 degrees (mmmmm!). This is the second year of helping God make dirt - the compost piles I've nurtured and turned are in different stages of composting, with the larger limbs and twigs set aside for our fire pit, and to help burn some of the excess leaves. I dug so easily into the soil - waking up big fat worms and oh, did it smell sweet!. By the 5th wheel barrel, the soil was just as good, but I was getting weak... I took frequent breaks between loads, sitting at the fire pit to enjoy the cheerful calls of spring bound birds, including a bright redheaded woodpecker. A neighbor cat came to show off how well he could roll in the leaves, and I also walked down to the creek twice, once with AJ kitty, and another with Big G, where they lapped up water that is trickling, thanks to our recent and needed rain. The dirt loads were put into one of the back yard beds I'm trying to get healthier. The hard red clay is quite a bit of work to turn, but little by little I'm seeing the fruits of my labor.
Michael got started on the pond and waterfall, and I am so excited about it. Last weekend I was busy inside, and he called me out and I was astonished...He hooked the hose up, flowing through a temporary fall, and the sound of the trickle was sooooooooo beautiful! I was speechless - with the drought, we have more time to work on it, and it's not going to start out as big as originally planned, but with time and effort I know it's going to be yet another sanctuary for me.
Ugh - I was going to write about my mother's influence on my love for gardening and my father's influence on being out in the great outdoors. I think I'll wait for now - my whole body is beginning to complain about my workout and I have to save enough energy to make dinner (Hot and Sour Soup with Tofu - especially for Michael because he's been fighting a cold all week).
I spent a good part of the afternoon working outside today. A delicious 60 degrees (mmmmm!). This is the second year of helping God make dirt - the compost piles I've nurtured and turned are in different stages of composting, with the larger limbs and twigs set aside for our fire pit, and to help burn some of the excess leaves. I dug so easily into the soil - waking up big fat worms and oh, did it smell sweet!. By the 5th wheel barrel, the soil was just as good, but I was getting weak... I took frequent breaks between loads, sitting at the fire pit to enjoy the cheerful calls of spring bound birds, including a bright redheaded woodpecker. A neighbor cat came to show off how well he could roll in the leaves, and I also walked down to the creek twice, once with AJ kitty, and another with Big G, where they lapped up water that is trickling, thanks to our recent and needed rain. The dirt loads were put into one of the back yard beds I'm trying to get healthier. The hard red clay is quite a bit of work to turn, but little by little I'm seeing the fruits of my labor.
Michael got started on the pond and waterfall, and I am so excited about it. Last weekend I was busy inside, and he called me out and I was astonished...He hooked the hose up, flowing through a temporary fall, and the sound of the trickle was sooooooooo beautiful! I was speechless - with the drought, we have more time to work on it, and it's not going to start out as big as originally planned, but with time and effort I know it's going to be yet another sanctuary for me.
Ugh - I was going to write about my mother's influence on my love for gardening and my father's influence on being out in the great outdoors. I think I'll wait for now - my whole body is beginning to complain about my workout and I have to save enough energy to make dinner (Hot and Sour Soup with Tofu - especially for Michael because he's been fighting a cold all week).
Friday, February 29, 2008
Nature Calls
Slept in this morning, then headed to the grocery store with a list, keeping pretty much to it, trying to lay off the white refined flour, sweets and carbs. Hubby and I had a good debate over 'diets' last night. His philosophy is 2-fold: 1) Not eating unless you are hungry and 2) Not eating beyond feeling full. Everything in moderation. I've been blaming my weight on my meds and moods, but I simply refuse to gain any more weight. I'm not grossly obese, but I'm 30 lbs more than the day I went into the hospital to give birth to my twins, and I can't afford a whole new wardrobe. The hike we took a few weeks back was enough to wear me out - I have to get healthier. I'm going to putter in the garden today and spread the compost (I've been helping God make dirt since we moved in, and the compost is incredible!) around my front bed. It's very pleasant outside, and I will just have to postpone the inside work because nature calls me to have my dirt manicure!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Alive and Growing!
Spring looms just ahead in Georgia. My daffodils are blooming, tulips coming soon. Little signs everywhere as I walk in my sun-patched woods to the creek. You wouldn't guess from the ripple of water and loamy ground that we were in a high level drought.
When I go out in the morning to get the paper I feel my skin suck both the warmth of the sun and the crisp air refreshingly deep into my restless soul.
When I go out in the morning to get the paper I feel my skin suck both the warmth of the sun and the crisp air refreshingly deep into my restless soul.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Fluff
This is fluff: Ok, so I didn't leave any white space on my ATC's but I was pretty happy with them. If anything, for the PROCESS - anyone who knows me, that's what really matters. Took some pics, though, and I'll get around to posting them.
Today I took two rubberstamping/card classes in Lawrenceville. I was signed up for a third design class, but wasn't feeling up to staying for the later class. Bummer, I'm out $20 for that decision, but it was for my own well-being.
I was talking with someone last week and we were discussing my hangup with feeling vulnerable if I end up sharing too much about my self. It's easy enough for me to let loose on the keyboard and tell all. Most of us appreciate the therapeutic value of journaling. Thing is, one moment I'll feel totally free about sharing my weaknesses or a life lesson I learned, and the next moment I'll be deleting it and trying to come up with fluff. I don't want to be a fluffer.
I do, however, want to think about today and why I didn't stick it through that third class. Yes, I was feeling physically ill - I chose to listen to and nurture my body. But there's a lot more here, a lot of juicy stuff going on with me. It was monumental making the decision to leave. I made a well thought out decision to come home early. I enjoyed myself. I made dozens - probably 40 or so, of 'cutesy' cards. Having designed similar projects and taught similar classes at the store my mother-in-law and I used to own, I recognize that there are different types of stampers, crafters, artists, etc.. The designs were pretty much mainstream - adorable and fresh, the kind you can make and send to just about anyone without them raising an eyebrow. And it WAS a boost to my ego to think I've designed class projects as successfully as the big pros...I wasn't disappointed with the classes or instructors in anyway. Kindred Spirits...but: I am at a place that I have plenty of ideas, samples and materials to work with to come up with all occasion cards. What I am needing right now, artistically, is to experiment and immerse myself fully in the doing...like slinging paint across the wall with my hands, or seeing what happens when I use my heat gun for unintended purposes. Breaking the rules. Expressing myself, in whatever way I want to. I seem to have rambled and added fluff. Guess for now, I'll keep the fluff lens on. But I'll remember what my friend said last week: Sometimes it's not what you say but what you don't say. What am I NOT saying? That's between me and me. Hope ya'll have a good time reading between your own lines!
Today I took two rubberstamping/card classes in Lawrenceville. I was signed up for a third design class, but wasn't feeling up to staying for the later class. Bummer, I'm out $20 for that decision, but it was for my own well-being.
I was talking with someone last week and we were discussing my hangup with feeling vulnerable if I end up sharing too much about my self. It's easy enough for me to let loose on the keyboard and tell all. Most of us appreciate the therapeutic value of journaling. Thing is, one moment I'll feel totally free about sharing my weaknesses or a life lesson I learned, and the next moment I'll be deleting it and trying to come up with fluff. I don't want to be a fluffer.
I do, however, want to think about today and why I didn't stick it through that third class. Yes, I was feeling physically ill - I chose to listen to and nurture my body. But there's a lot more here, a lot of juicy stuff going on with me. It was monumental making the decision to leave. I made a well thought out decision to come home early. I enjoyed myself. I made dozens - probably 40 or so, of 'cutesy' cards. Having designed similar projects and taught similar classes at the store my mother-in-law and I used to own, I recognize that there are different types of stampers, crafters, artists, etc.. The designs were pretty much mainstream - adorable and fresh, the kind you can make and send to just about anyone without them raising an eyebrow. And it WAS a boost to my ego to think I've designed class projects as successfully as the big pros...I wasn't disappointed with the classes or instructors in anyway. Kindred Spirits...but: I am at a place that I have plenty of ideas, samples and materials to work with to come up with all occasion cards. What I am needing right now, artistically, is to experiment and immerse myself fully in the doing...like slinging paint across the wall with my hands, or seeing what happens when I use my heat gun for unintended purposes. Breaking the rules. Expressing myself, in whatever way I want to. I seem to have rambled and added fluff. Guess for now, I'll keep the fluff lens on. But I'll remember what my friend said last week: Sometimes it's not what you say but what you don't say. What am I NOT saying? That's between me and me. Hope ya'll have a good time reading between your own lines!
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